lets come back

so after about 2 years i come bac k to my blog to see if people miss my random ramblings. thank you to the sister poophead for letting me use her old comp.

so a new thought today.

Why do es everything work for everyone all the time?

huh?

Lets call a friend.

Oscar Wilde

HE artist is the creator of beautiful things.
To reveal art and conceal the artist is art's aim.
The critic is he who can translate into another manner or a new material his impression of beautiful things.
The highest as the lowest form of criticism is a mode of autobiography.
Those who find ugly meanings in beautiful things are corrupt without being charming. This is a fault.
Those who find beautiful meanings in beautiful things are the cultivated. For these there is hope.
They are the elect to whom beautiful things mean only beauty.
There is no such thing as a moral or an immoral book. Books are well written, or badly written. That is all.
The nineteenth century dislike of realism is the rage of Caliban seeing his own face in a glass.
The nineteenth century dislike of romanticism is the rage of Caliban not seeing his own face in a glass.
The moral life of man forms part of the subject-matter of the artist, but the morality of art consists in the perfect use of an imperfect medium.
No artist desires to prove anything. Even things that are true can be proved.
No artist has ethical sympathies. An ethical sympathy in an artist is an unpardonable mannerism of style.
No artist is ever morbid. The artist can express everything.
Thought and language are to the artist instruments of an art.
Vice and virtue are to the artist materials for an art.
From the point of view of form, the type of all the arts is the art of the musician. From the point of view of feeling, the actor's craft is the type.
All art is at once surface and symbol.
Those who go beneath the surface do so at their peril.
Those who read the symbol do so at their peril.
It is the spectator, and not life, that art really mirrors.
Diversity of opinion about a work of art shows that the work is new, complex, and vital.
When critics disagree, the artist is in accord with himself.
We can forgive a man for making a useful thing as long as he does not admire it. The only excuse for making a useless thing is that one admires it intensely.
All art is quite useless.

let's write a story

there once were two boys who were driving across the country. one was going to school far far away, and this was the last time they were going to sit in his car and listen to music for hours on end with nothing else to do, but drive. so these two buddies had been driving for a couple days and they had met some amazing people, and had had some amazing adventures, involving lost phones, tires, and cops. so this specific evening they were getting into alabama. and they were getting tired. so they pulled over into a rest stop, and looked at the expanse of the alabama sky. they walked around and enjoyed the fresh air. they talked about how fast the cars were traveling on the road. then they pee'ed and got back into their little toyota corrolla with perfect alignment, put on some mayday parade, and kept driving through an infinite alabama night.

a million years later one of those boys danced wth the other's girlfriend and her mom to "all the single ladies" broken hearts are healed slowly, but simply

best friends make the world better

so here i is

with crappy grammer and even worse spelling.how is it that i feel so alone? i'm around more people. i feel better. i get the answers i need. i'm doing things right for once.i have a good selection of poeple with which to share my day to day life with.
but when i get in my car.and it's all over.i feel like i'm all alone.me and the world.
with god looking out for me.but it feels like it's just me and him.
and sometimes, most of the time, i'm not even as close as i wouldlike to be.
cuz i still feel all alone.and it's no good.i guess i long for those people that wat to hug me and be with me just because they want to
i miss you
all of you
you know who you are.



i feel like walking through this life single file
just looking at someones back
and feeling someone behind me
but i can't turn around
because were all on a tightrope
and if we stop concentrating as hard as we can
well fall off
and i don't know whats below me
and what i'll fall into
i want to jump in but it might be bad
but it might be what i need
cuz there is no end on this tightrope
and everyone knows it
it's just go til you lose your balance
and fall into wathever it is
that awaits you below

one last hour

in about an hour by mountain standard time i will cease to be a teenager. this seems to me to be one of the great turning points of my life. to hold mysel responsible for my irresponsability. never againg do i have the excuse that i am just a teenager and can get away with whatever i want.
i guess that i have viewed the disdain that society has on our teenage years as an excuse to do whatever the funk i want and not feel bad about it. but i also think that these horribly hard teenage years will be some of the most memorable i will ever have. probably because i can't remember too much before i was twelve.
at twelve i recieved the aaronic priesthood and scouts was everything. i wanted to advance as far as possible. i still had the childhood vigor and hope that the next 8 years would so painfully and thouroughly deprive me of. adults were the ultimate authority and i could not wait to get older. oh, what a fool i was. i practically worshipped those only a few years older than me. i felt that their experiences were so deep and i could not wait to be their age.
then 13. i entered junior high. and i learned to rebel. i was a bratty kid who never listened to his teachers and thought thati was smarter than they would ever be. i also learned that even though some fish will hate and put you down in the pond, when you get into the ocean there are fish that will welcome you with open arms.
i turned 14. I COULD GO TO CHURCH DANCES! the greatest time in my life. i had friends that were all my own. no one in school had them. i had my first kiss,my first love, my first heartbreak. i lived and breathed church dances. good times.
when 15 came along i was ready. i had not lost all my young vigor and hope, but i was about to experience life on a new and deeper level. i went to youth conference and recieved my testimony. i was strong andit will never leave me. no matter what. that was also the age when high school started and with that i met the most influencial person in my life next to my family. coach jeremy mattern. he taught me to exerience everything that my parents and church leaders had taught me by teaching me to run.
not just to run. to be greater than what i am at this moment. to challenge myself and win but to never back down. he taught me that confidence andcockyness have one diffrence: preperation. he taught me that it wouldn't be easy to get what i wanted from life but i could get anything. he gave me a deep confidence that i would never have if not for having to run mile after mile week after week with a group oof people that truly cared about you and a man that would do anything in his power to show you the way to true greatness. coach mattern showed me by running that i was the only obstacle that would ever get in my way. and once you overcome your doubts all your weaknesses fade in the light of your greatness.
i was 16 and i was learning, i learned that you can do anything and wear anything and look like anything you want and it only matters what you think of yourself. i was taught by my mother how to love even when those you love have flaws that might hurt you sometimes. that sumer i went hiking, like every summer before it, to the sierra nevadas with my father. there i was able to be humbled by a father who humbled himself enough to ask for my help. i didn't know then what a turning point in my life and my relationship with my father that would be.
at 17 i learned strict irresponsibility. i learned to loaf and be depressed. my sister had left for college right when we had started to become friends after a life of a bitter battle over being the favorite child.i learned what emo meant. and i learned how it feels to have your heart entirely ripped out and torn up and spit on. that was also when i move to texas. and whn i met scotty carlson.the nicest guy ever.
i turned 18 in texas. and it became the most self destructive year i have had so far. i moved away from texas after i graduated. and i made many mistakes and did many things that shows me that no one can live life without regrets. i reached a low so low that i jus t had to start going up. and then i met caity. she helped me pick myself up by just loving me with all her heart.
i turned 19 on an upswing in life. and have been connecting with people deeper and disconnnecting more completely from my mistakes. i became closer to those who love me. and i have tried to become like that 12 year old with hope and vigorthat i oncewas.
i'm 20 now. for about the past 5 minutes. and i am leaving a most colorful time of my life behind. i will always carry with me the people who loved me and the lessons i learned. i love everyone who ever touched my life and everything i experience, good or bad. i have never had a birthday like this one and i probably never will. i miss teenage artie already and if i could see him a twelve i wouldn't tell him to do anything diffrent, maybe smarter, not diffrent.

handle with care

watching music vidoes on tv has always helped me pass the time. i just realized how much i enjoy chill hanging out music. jack johnson status. but once i hear such tunes i don't want to just chill but i want to chill with others. at least with myself. but somewhere where i will have tons of fun. if i don't want to hang out with myself that is a sad day. i think i need to make more friends. since the ones that i like to just chill with and don't feel like i have to think of everything to do, are not here. they will be soon.

that brings me to another topic. why do everyone need to have something to do with me to have a good time. and if there is nothing out there to do we just end up watching tv. Am i that boring? but i guess not too many people want to go to the park to fly a kite when there is no wind at all. cuz that is what i want to go do. maybe just walk around and chat with the sky above us and the grass or dirt or whatever i am walking on at the time.

let me tell you a secret. and since only 3 people rread my blog... maybe 4, and i trust all of you it's ok. i have a place that i go to when i just want to escape, from my self , from others, from the world. and it brings me peace. i go there just to be alive and i have not found another place like unto it ( nice scripture talk) in the whole world that i have live in so far. that place is the park. craig park. i love it more than i love any other place, maybe the passangers seat on landon's roll can compete, but it still wins. it brings back every happy memory that i have had. i remember going with my mother and my sister there to play in the sprinklers, i remember going there when my sister left for college and i felt like part of my heart had been ripped out, i have written the most beautiful things there. i remember going there for cross country meets. for the first mutual of the school year, for bbq's galore with my family. i have gone there with almost every meaningful crush i have had, and i have been there with my current love, i have gone there for comfort when my heart was breaking, when my life felt like it was falling apart, when everything was perfect....
i guess that there is alot of love that has happened there.

it makes me happy.