one last hour

in about an hour by mountain standard time i will cease to be a teenager. this seems to me to be one of the great turning points of my life. to hold mysel responsible for my irresponsability. never againg do i have the excuse that i am just a teenager and can get away with whatever i want.
i guess that i have viewed the disdain that society has on our teenage years as an excuse to do whatever the funk i want and not feel bad about it. but i also think that these horribly hard teenage years will be some of the most memorable i will ever have. probably because i can't remember too much before i was twelve.
at twelve i recieved the aaronic priesthood and scouts was everything. i wanted to advance as far as possible. i still had the childhood vigor and hope that the next 8 years would so painfully and thouroughly deprive me of. adults were the ultimate authority and i could not wait to get older. oh, what a fool i was. i practically worshipped those only a few years older than me. i felt that their experiences were so deep and i could not wait to be their age.
then 13. i entered junior high. and i learned to rebel. i was a bratty kid who never listened to his teachers and thought thati was smarter than they would ever be. i also learned that even though some fish will hate and put you down in the pond, when you get into the ocean there are fish that will welcome you with open arms.
i turned 14. I COULD GO TO CHURCH DANCES! the greatest time in my life. i had friends that were all my own. no one in school had them. i had my first kiss,my first love, my first heartbreak. i lived and breathed church dances. good times.
when 15 came along i was ready. i had not lost all my young vigor and hope, but i was about to experience life on a new and deeper level. i went to youth conference and recieved my testimony. i was strong andit will never leave me. no matter what. that was also the age when high school started and with that i met the most influencial person in my life next to my family. coach jeremy mattern. he taught me to exerience everything that my parents and church leaders had taught me by teaching me to run.
not just to run. to be greater than what i am at this moment. to challenge myself and win but to never back down. he taught me that confidence andcockyness have one diffrence: preperation. he taught me that it wouldn't be easy to get what i wanted from life but i could get anything. he gave me a deep confidence that i would never have if not for having to run mile after mile week after week with a group oof people that truly cared about you and a man that would do anything in his power to show you the way to true greatness. coach mattern showed me by running that i was the only obstacle that would ever get in my way. and once you overcome your doubts all your weaknesses fade in the light of your greatness.
i was 16 and i was learning, i learned that you can do anything and wear anything and look like anything you want and it only matters what you think of yourself. i was taught by my mother how to love even when those you love have flaws that might hurt you sometimes. that sumer i went hiking, like every summer before it, to the sierra nevadas with my father. there i was able to be humbled by a father who humbled himself enough to ask for my help. i didn't know then what a turning point in my life and my relationship with my father that would be.
at 17 i learned strict irresponsibility. i learned to loaf and be depressed. my sister had left for college right when we had started to become friends after a life of a bitter battle over being the favorite child.i learned what emo meant. and i learned how it feels to have your heart entirely ripped out and torn up and spit on. that was also when i move to texas. and whn i met scotty carlson.the nicest guy ever.
i turned 18 in texas. and it became the most self destructive year i have had so far. i moved away from texas after i graduated. and i made many mistakes and did many things that shows me that no one can live life without regrets. i reached a low so low that i jus t had to start going up. and then i met caity. she helped me pick myself up by just loving me with all her heart.
i turned 19 on an upswing in life. and have been connecting with people deeper and disconnnecting more completely from my mistakes. i became closer to those who love me. and i have tried to become like that 12 year old with hope and vigorthat i oncewas.
i'm 20 now. for about the past 5 minutes. and i am leaving a most colorful time of my life behind. i will always carry with me the people who loved me and the lessons i learned. i love everyone who ever touched my life and everything i experience, good or bad. i have never had a birthday like this one and i probably never will. i miss teenage artie already and if i could see him a twelve i wouldn't tell him to do anything diffrent, maybe smarter, not diffrent.

handle with care

watching music vidoes on tv has always helped me pass the time. i just realized how much i enjoy chill hanging out music. jack johnson status. but once i hear such tunes i don't want to just chill but i want to chill with others. at least with myself. but somewhere where i will have tons of fun. if i don't want to hang out with myself that is a sad day. i think i need to make more friends. since the ones that i like to just chill with and don't feel like i have to think of everything to do, are not here. they will be soon.

that brings me to another topic. why do everyone need to have something to do with me to have a good time. and if there is nothing out there to do we just end up watching tv. Am i that boring? but i guess not too many people want to go to the park to fly a kite when there is no wind at all. cuz that is what i want to go do. maybe just walk around and chat with the sky above us and the grass or dirt or whatever i am walking on at the time.

let me tell you a secret. and since only 3 people rread my blog... maybe 4, and i trust all of you it's ok. i have a place that i go to when i just want to escape, from my self , from others, from the world. and it brings me peace. i go there just to be alive and i have not found another place like unto it ( nice scripture talk) in the whole world that i have live in so far. that place is the park. craig park. i love it more than i love any other place, maybe the passangers seat on landon's roll can compete, but it still wins. it brings back every happy memory that i have had. i remember going with my mother and my sister there to play in the sprinklers, i remember going there when my sister left for college and i felt like part of my heart had been ripped out, i have written the most beautiful things there. i remember going there for cross country meets. for the first mutual of the school year, for bbq's galore with my family. i have gone there with almost every meaningful crush i have had, and i have been there with my current love, i have gone there for comfort when my heart was breaking, when my life felt like it was falling apart, when everything was perfect....
i guess that there is alot of love that has happened there.

it makes me happy.

fears VS. death

so i was thinking about the things i fear the most. and they probably are things that would kill me. but they are probably the ways i would choose to die.

like bears. i fear bears and bear attacks more than most things. probably cuz i have met bears and have witnesssed their feats of strength. i think that if attacked by a bear i would pee my pants, then cry, then poo myself, then i would fight. see one of my dreams in life is to fight a bear. cuz if i died i think that when i go to heaven or hell or whatever is waiting, i will get there and be kicking it with elvis and king charlemange and maybe john stamos if he dies first, and well be talking about how we died... and at least i'll be able to join in to the conversation. cuz if william wallace and charlamange jump in... what if anne boelyn is there too... who can compete with how they died? I CAN!

another fear i have is falling down off a freeway overpass into speeding traffic. how horriblr of a death would that be? the thing is (as morbid as this is) that this fear would be my chosen form of suicide. nothing else would work. and for all those people who are going to say that suicide thoughts are horrible to have and that i should go get help and all that yellow ribbon crap.... i am not SUICIDAL! and everyone has thought about how they would kill themselves whether you admit it or not! you know that you can't slice your wrists, and jumping off a building would ecstatic, and that overdosing on pills is hard cuz you can't afford that many pills.

another thing i fear is being on the recieving end of that whole falling off an overpass.


so now to make this whole blog a little more happy and make me look a little crazier.

i think that puppies are cuter than kittens. pweriod. my girlfriend may think otherwise but i think that puppies with those big beady eyes and their waggy tails and all slobbery. how cute is it when a puppy greets you when you get home and rolls around and plays with you. what do kittens do? explore? what do i want with an intelligent and curious animal when i could have a little wreck full of fluff? i like puppies cuz you can have so many diffrent looks whereas it takes a keen eye to tell kittens apart. kittens are like the asians of cute baby animals.

on the other hand i preffer wild cats over wild dogs. a tiger can kick a wolf's butt anytime. anywhere. but oddly enough i am more scared and excited to fight a bear than a tiger. cuz a bear can kick a tigers butt anytime. why do you think those asian tigers don't messwith the pandas? cuz pandas may be chill but they got some bear cousins up north that would come down to china and kick anyones ass who messes with panda.

thats all i got to say tonight. good job troopers. if you read it all and leave a comment, next time i see you you get a cookie.

pulp fiction

watching pulp fiction as i write this. and it is blowing my mind. three tomatoes are walking down the street, papa tomatoe, momma tomatoe, and baby tomatoe. the baby tomatoe starts lagging behind which makes the pap tomatoe mad. so the papa tomatoe goes and squishes the baby tomatoe and says "catch up" (ketshup).

so yeah and stuff.

so yeah and stuff.
this blog is certanly a small waste of time when i want to sit and let my crazyness of mind go away and let you people listen to all the insanity of my thoughts words and deeds, all misspelled like i have in my head.
so yeah... and stuff

coherent

now that california has this new law about the whole hands free phones and bluetooth nonsense, i have started using my bluetooth headset. it's nice not having to hold a phone up to my ear, now i can eat and drink while i'm talking oon the phone and driving. did these legislaters really think that people were going to use that free hand to drive? i've been driving one handed for ages and now i just need other things to fill up that hands time. it gets lonely with out a phone in it. i think i'm just gonna use it to write things and draw stuff.

wow i thought that topic would take me alot farther than it did. i guess i just figure that california legislation is alredy getting made fun of and everyone already knows what i mean. not as comidic as i thought. mybe my lack of spelling and grammar ability will make this blog entertaining.

i had a steak today. it was delicious.

sleep

so i was thinking of going to sleep before the sun comes up but i figured by the time i get in bed it will have already. i also thought of going to watch the sunrise... but i might just go to sleep. so i think that sleep is a big factor in the decision i am about to make. like the constant variable. you see sleep is going to come. and soon. but how soon is still up for debate and what i do with the time thatcomes before sleep its up for debate as well.

so that is what i am thinking about right now if anyone was wondering.

i also am wondering if i am ever going to go back to a normal sleep schedule ever. i think that i should go to turkey or dubai to be on a normal schedule. dubai would be nice. i wonder if they need anyone to work their hugonormous skyscraper that they are building. i could... tell them if they made it tall enough. for a fee. that would be awsome.

i wonder what i will be intrested in when the olympics start? i do want to watch badmington and soccer and b-ball. but what else will there be to entertain my senses? gymnastics is ok. and... oh! i know! the long distance running events and the high jumps and the sprints and the swimming. horray olympics you have filled my life with wonder and hope once again! hooray.

sorry that this doesn't make sense but i never make sense so enjoy it.

no sunset for me. maybe... nah lemonade and bed instead. get rid of this killer headache that i have.

boomchuankeys

first blog

this is going to be short cuz it's my first one.