one last hour

in about an hour by mountain standard time i will cease to be a teenager. this seems to me to be one of the great turning points of my life. to hold mysel responsible for my irresponsability. never againg do i have the excuse that i am just a teenager and can get away with whatever i want.
i guess that i have viewed the disdain that society has on our teenage years as an excuse to do whatever the funk i want and not feel bad about it. but i also think that these horribly hard teenage years will be some of the most memorable i will ever have. probably because i can't remember too much before i was twelve.
at twelve i recieved the aaronic priesthood and scouts was everything. i wanted to advance as far as possible. i still had the childhood vigor and hope that the next 8 years would so painfully and thouroughly deprive me of. adults were the ultimate authority and i could not wait to get older. oh, what a fool i was. i practically worshipped those only a few years older than me. i felt that their experiences were so deep and i could not wait to be their age.
then 13. i entered junior high. and i learned to rebel. i was a bratty kid who never listened to his teachers and thought thati was smarter than they would ever be. i also learned that even though some fish will hate and put you down in the pond, when you get into the ocean there are fish that will welcome you with open arms.
i turned 14. I COULD GO TO CHURCH DANCES! the greatest time in my life. i had friends that were all my own. no one in school had them. i had my first kiss,my first love, my first heartbreak. i lived and breathed church dances. good times.
when 15 came along i was ready. i had not lost all my young vigor and hope, but i was about to experience life on a new and deeper level. i went to youth conference and recieved my testimony. i was strong andit will never leave me. no matter what. that was also the age when high school started and with that i met the most influencial person in my life next to my family. coach jeremy mattern. he taught me to exerience everything that my parents and church leaders had taught me by teaching me to run.
not just to run. to be greater than what i am at this moment. to challenge myself and win but to never back down. he taught me that confidence andcockyness have one diffrence: preperation. he taught me that it wouldn't be easy to get what i wanted from life but i could get anything. he gave me a deep confidence that i would never have if not for having to run mile after mile week after week with a group oof people that truly cared about you and a man that would do anything in his power to show you the way to true greatness. coach mattern showed me by running that i was the only obstacle that would ever get in my way. and once you overcome your doubts all your weaknesses fade in the light of your greatness.
i was 16 and i was learning, i learned that you can do anything and wear anything and look like anything you want and it only matters what you think of yourself. i was taught by my mother how to love even when those you love have flaws that might hurt you sometimes. that sumer i went hiking, like every summer before it, to the sierra nevadas with my father. there i was able to be humbled by a father who humbled himself enough to ask for my help. i didn't know then what a turning point in my life and my relationship with my father that would be.
at 17 i learned strict irresponsibility. i learned to loaf and be depressed. my sister had left for college right when we had started to become friends after a life of a bitter battle over being the favorite child.i learned what emo meant. and i learned how it feels to have your heart entirely ripped out and torn up and spit on. that was also when i move to texas. and whn i met scotty carlson.the nicest guy ever.
i turned 18 in texas. and it became the most self destructive year i have had so far. i moved away from texas after i graduated. and i made many mistakes and did many things that shows me that no one can live life without regrets. i reached a low so low that i jus t had to start going up. and then i met caity. she helped me pick myself up by just loving me with all her heart.
i turned 19 on an upswing in life. and have been connecting with people deeper and disconnnecting more completely from my mistakes. i became closer to those who love me. and i have tried to become like that 12 year old with hope and vigorthat i oncewas.
i'm 20 now. for about the past 5 minutes. and i am leaving a most colorful time of my life behind. i will always carry with me the people who loved me and the lessons i learned. i love everyone who ever touched my life and everything i experience, good or bad. i have never had a birthday like this one and i probably never will. i miss teenage artie already and if i could see him a twelve i wouldn't tell him to do anything diffrent, maybe smarter, not diffrent.